I would like to ask something of you, dear reader.  Reader whom I love.

I am looking to start living a high profile, lavish Hollywood Lifestyle.  You know what I mean.  And that costs money.  Money I don’t have.  I have repeatedly asked my employer to raise my salary to something more supporting of said Hollywood lifestyle, and they have refused.  I have been kept by down by The Man, who hates me for my views.  Or religion.  Or politics.  Or something.  I am not entirely sure which, but I am sure there is a reason.

So, I am calling on all people.  Christian and Jew.  Buddhist and Muslim.  Atheist and wishy washy.  Tall and Short.  Fat and Thin.  Average and Beautiful.  Especially the beautiful.  Rich and Poor.  Weak and Strong.  Famous and Infamous.  Unknown and Washed Up.  Help your fellow human being out.  Restore me to a lifestyle I never got to experience before.

But, Thom, you ask.  But, Thom, if you want the Hollywood lifestyle-why now break into Hollywood?  Well because dear reader.  That is just to much work.  I would have to be an actor or Director to get the cash and recognition that comes with it.  And that takes time to build up to being the lavish Hollywood Big Time.  It’s also a gamble.  Instead, I just want the money and lifestyle now.  And, together, we can make this happen.  Donate money.  Spread the word.  United, we can build me up to a new place in life.  A better place.

Thank you for your time.  Word up to Stephen Baldwin!

Posted in: Satire

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