Love Worth a Million Dollars…

Have I ever mentioned that I have won an Academy Award?  Yup, I did.  Well, Okay, *I* didn’t win one.  But I *own* a movie that won an Academy Award…it’s pretty much the same thing, right?  Right?

Recently, sickness and boredom allowed me to get very versed in a Bravo show called the Millionaire Matchmaker.  It is centered on a matchmaking company in Los Angeles that caters to Millionaires called the Millionaire’s Club.

I admit that I find matchmaking shows oddly fascinating.  I mean, it is somewhere between blind dating and arranged marriage.  Different matchmakers work with different methods… but one thing I have seen that seems to be a constant?  They don’t take crap.  From anybody.  In fact, they are toughest on their paying clients.  And I think the women are tougher than the men.  Sure, Steve over at VH1’s Tough Love will get in the client’s face… But Patti Stanger on the Millionaire Matchmaker?  Man, you don’t take her advice it sometimes seems like she will emotionally gut you like a fish.

Generally speaking, I confess, this is part of the appeal.  Judging by some of her clients?  Playing nice will not break through their thick skulls.  I am not sure how representative these Millionaires are that agree to appear on the show are of her clientele… but to suggest many are over the top and delusional?  Not a stretch.

My opening comments were inspired by a snotty former child actor that went on the show.  He wanted help meeting a woman-but refused advice left and right.  He described himself as an Emmy winning actor…but the truth was, he was on Picket Fences.  Picket Fences won an Emmy.  He also commented that he was extremely funny.  He didn’t tell any jokes, and his “humor” was mostly at the expense of his date’s ego.  He could dish, but sure couldn’t take it.

There is an overwhelming amount of people wanting to date seriously younger people-yet wanting “really intelligent and interesting people.”  No offense meant to 22 year old models and actresses, but the likelihood they are going to be in the same realm as someone pushing thirty or forty or fifty.  On the other hand?  If you are 42?  And your date is 50 (and in better shape than some 25 year olds)?  Shaking his hand and turning to run away yelling “I can’t do this!!!” so fast you leave a shoe behind is a poor showing of character.  Also, declaring he is older than your grandmother when there is an eight to ten year age gap?  You look more than a little pathetic.

The show is about the business, more than the individual clients.  While we see some repeat appearances (mostly the most freakishly delusional clients), it focuses on Patti and her team (Including the wild haired COO Destin Pfaff and VP of Matchmaking Chelsea Autumn and Registration Director Rachel Fedoroff) and how they work to try and find potential love for their clients.  Admittedly, if you look the website over, it could sure come across like Stanger is providing an escort service.  But this is something that Stanger is pretty hard core about…she is trying to find love for her clients, which results in strict rules that can get you kicked out of the club.  There are rules aginst having sex without a fully committed relationship, collecting phone numbers from girls you did not actually request a date with and many more.

The other big deal for them?  No Gold Diggers, which is the biggest criticism that seems to get leveled at the company.  And really, it’s a fair complaint.  I mean, it sure seems like having such an exclusive clientele would naturally attract people looking for a free ride.  And yet, Patti and her crew do seem to do a good job of screening out people there for reasons other than relationships.  Really, most of the cases of failed dates seem to be on the side of the millionaires.

More than one guy was nearing fifty or over fifty, choosing 25 year olds over women closer in age.  And then, even when they did give in and go the recommended choice of the woman closer in age they would come up with excuses of why there was no spark.  Cause yeah, it’s tough to develop a spark with an attractive and bright woman.  Destin describes one guy as having Shiny Ball Syndrome.  He looks for the shiny and and new.  And his exceptionally gorgeous, smart and fun date saw the same thing-realizing she may be a short live part of his life once he got “bored”.

Stanger is this weird combination of modern and traditional.  For instance, she sees women working as a good thing, she is not setting this up so guys can get a domesticated little housewife.  Yet, she definitely promotes the idea that it’s about showing the boobs, having a certain type of hair (long and straight-you don’t see a lot of short or curly hair styles) and not being to intimidating.

The show is, truthfully, entertaining to me, since as I explained I am fascinated by matchmakers.  It’s a weird mess of values sometimes…but certainly makes for a guilty pleasure.

And for the love of God, people…do not refer to yourself in the third person… it is NEVER cool.  Ever.