Things We Can’t See In Comic Books

Well, the one thing, apparently. This is really old news, but I feel there has been a lot of misunderstanding about the problems that Peter’s shadowed genitals cause. People think it’s a double standard, since afterall, we get half-shot and shilouettes of bare breasts in mainstream youth oriented comics and have for decades.

But this is not the case. The reason that there is a danger of showing Parker’s boy bits is quite simple. First, we all know that the majority of comic book readers are men. And one thing you women need to understand is that we men walk a very precarious sexual identity tightrope.

The very sight of a penis not our own? Could send us spiralling out of our safe heterosexual identities. We could suddenly find ourselves going GAY. It could totally undermine our hetero-ness, even if it is in shadows and a drawing on paper. In fact, that is why I do not have a copy of the offending image on my blog here. And this is why comics are filled with scantily clad overly endowed female characters. It is a public service!

I am even a bit worried that merely talking about it could adversely impact male readers. So here is an Adam Hughes drawing:SAFE!

And Fank Cho:

Safe Again!

And there, I have done my part to keep the heterosexual male reader on their heterosexual track for the time being. *Whew* It was close for a minute there.

Posted in: Comic Books, Satire

9 thoughts on “Things We Can’t See In Comic Books Leave a comment

  1. I know you’re joking here, but, I tell you…that one panel showing Peter’s…well…peter was not enough to make ME gay…and, I’m already gay. 😉

  2. I’ve always been amused by how Spider-Woman’s costume is DESIGNED to accentuate her breasts XDD

    I know you’re being satirical, but it is sad that it’s true. A lot of men fear that being okay with looking at another man’s genitals or physique makes them gay. I’m not saying ENJOYING it, I just mean not being repulsed by it. If they’re not bleeding from their eyes, or throwing up their lungs, then they might be gay! O_O;;;

    *sigh*

  3. Hmmm, Ami – I looked at the offending panel, and my eyes didn’t bleed…well, except from the effort of trying to see WTF the fuss was about. Jeez, from the way I heard Quesada was carrying on, you’d have thought it was the current cover of DRUMMER, rather than a realistically-shrivelled bump in heavy shadow that I kind of thought was referencing Art Spiegelman’s work. The art team was clearly going for a haunting image of aged desolation, and I’d say they succeeded admirably.

    I’d respond more, except our loving, spoiled overweight Powderpuff just settled on my keyboard and mouse and started purring,

    Best,
    Tim Liebe
    Who Needs to Take an Updated Picture of Powderpuff So He Can Show Everyone How ROUND She Is Now….

  4. I’m with Tim–I got the aged desolation. There’s nothing sadder than a man, depressed, with no one watching him, who’s just trying to make himself face the day, not trying to impress anyone, knowing he is cold, sad, unwell, and alone. Nothing says that like child-looking naughty bits on a grown guy.

    And it was shadowed, for cryin out loud. We see this stuff full goose bozo in everything by R. Crumb all the time.

  5. And there is lies the problem…reality must be censored from our view. I don’t understand this mentality. And I didn’t get how this was offensive in it’s portrayal. Marvel dropped the ball in their response to this one, big time.

  6. I remember as a teenager I survived the experience of seeing Dr. Manhattan dragging his crank across the pages of Watchmen without being either tempted or traumatized.

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