Okay. It’s advice day. All you aspiring comic book artists, we need to talk. What is the most important thing an aspiring artist can do? Practice? No. Why spend hour learning anatomy and honing your skills? No, I recommend the “Artist/Writer Feud”. These are classic and make you unforgettable.
Now, in the old days you had to be really established. I mean, who can forget classics Like John Byrne vs. Peter David? Erik Larsen vs. Peter David? Todd MacFarlane vs. Peter David? Uh, I know there were others, but those are the classics that leapt to mind. Well, that and the bloody fist fight between Jim Lee and Joss Whedon at Comicon. Damn, that was weird.
But seriously folks, it’s as important as talent. It helps you stand out. I mean, artists without well known feuds to be forgotten. I mean, who remembers… Adam Hughes, Jim Lee, Frank Quitely, John Cassaday or Bryan Hitch? Don’t ruin the joke by bringing up feuds they were a part of, you geeks.
So, I want to recommend starting a feud or two with well known writers. Thanks to the modern wonder of the internet, you no longer need to be an establish artist. Hell, you do not even have to be a <b>published</b> artist.
First, I recommend not starting a feud with peter David. I mean, he is smarter than you, for one thing. He will make you look stupid. Also in this “I don’t recommend it” category is Harlan Ellison. Yeah, it will bring you notoriety, but he will kick your ass, and it will likely be deserved.
I recommend some of the newer superstars of the last few years. Names such as Bendis, Vaughan, Brubaker or Millar. All have a big web presence and are easy to find. You might ask if it’s required to actually hate them. No, that is not required at all. Always remember, you are attacking their public persona, not their private self. It may even help to be a fan. In my quest to be a thorn in Ed Brubaker’s side, I never forget that he writes good stuff. His current run on Uncanny X-Men is the first time I found Uncanny interesting since Morrison and Whedon. And Jiminy Crickett, it takes awhile between issues of Astonishing X-Men. What’s your problem, Whedon. There is another trick, it never hurts to try and start more than one feud, in case one never really takes off.
It does help if the writer notices you. For example, my attempted feud with Ed Brubaker has born little fruit. But do not give up hope. It’s all about persistence. And reminding them of their place. Remind them, you are the artist. You do the hard work here. Who is more important than the guy who draws the book? Noone. Image proved that in the 90’s and nothing really changes. They finally got their pictures in Wizard? Remind them that if not for you, the penciller, Wizard would have gone out of business. And what speculators bought ten copies of comics because Scott Lobdell was writing them? No one. But they did buy them because it was a Rob Liefeld first issue!
Avoid television writers who dip into the comic pool. They are far busier than comic book writers and do not have the time for feuds. This explains why comic book writers are always seeking that screen writing job. They are greedy. Play on this to start your feud. Rub in that they are just the creator. What do they really contribute? Character development? Plot? Story? Dialogue? You contribute the cool pictures!!!!
I also do not recommend starting a feud with Warren Ellis. He will smash a beer bottle over your head and eat your kidney.
If I think of more, I will add to this, but for now I have to surf the web and see where that punk Brubaker is posting at today…I will get his attention eventually.